RIP BAPA – A TRIBUTE TO MY BELOVED GRANDFATHER

On the 2nd April at about 9am, we received a call from the care home saying that my grandad (Bapa) needed to go into hospital. Upon admission, they predicted he would have about 24 – 48 hours left. NHS kindly made arrangements for our family to see him one last time. 1 day passed, 2 days passed, 3 days passed and the doctors were surprised he was still fighting. Yesterday, on the 6th of April early in the morning, he finally passed. It became apparent how and why he had managed to last 96 hours; why that day was picked for him to leave us. In our religion, Jainism, we have one God, Mahavir, and the aim of the religion is to achieve eternal peace by being released from the cycle of birth and death – how you do that – GOOD KARMA. Whether you believe in God or not, the principles of this religion can only result in you being a good human – Bapa went above and beyond. Yesterday was Mahavir’s birthday, and after 89 years of selflessness and giving, Bapa was specially invited by our God, to join him in his birthday celebrations. The world moves in mysterious ways and this was the most fitting of ends for our humble hero – I’m not religious but these events have assured me that Karma makes the world go round.

Words can’t do this man justice but I’ll say a bit anyway. He wouldn’t want me to bore you with a long piece with details of his life (like I tend to do), because that was just him – never wanted the limelight, never needed credit or appreciation – just wanted to keep on giving with a smile. Bapa was born in India on the 13th of February 1931. He went from India to Kenya, at the age of 13, with just his sister – at 13, I couldn’t even watch TV with my sister without fighting. 12th December 1958 was the day he married Ba, the beginning of an amazing relationship. Ba gave birth to their first problem on the 5th of July 1961, my father Dipak. 2 years later more trouble came in the form of little Paresh, born on the same day as Bapa – 13th February 1963. Bapa moved to London at 34, with nothing to his name and no idea what the future held…ALONE. He worked relentlessly, 2 jobs in order to be able to bring Ba (his wife) and his 2 sons (my dad and uncle), to the UK one year later from Kenya. Think about that, he worked day and night, not to save up for something, or to even to buy anything, just to get his family to safety and hope. He did everything for his family, faced challenges that would have broken you or I, but he still never complained. He did it all with a smile on his face and never wanted recognition for anything. Now the older son should normally go first, but apparently my Dad (Dipak) was too much to put up with, so Ba and Bapa just gave up and settled for Kaka (Paresh) getting married on 13/8/1989. Dad managed to get himself married the following year 29/7/1990, which is lucky otherwise I wouldn’t exist. At 61, he finally got his rewards for a life of modesty and hard work; he was blessed with me as a grandson. 2 years later, he had 2 more dodgy gifts (my annoying sister Aashni, and my slightly more tolerable cousin Misha), but I was always the favourite for obvious reasons.

In my 28 years of being around him, I never once heard him complain about a single thing (except for Ba not letting him eat as much he would have liked – which in her defence was for his own good). As grandkids, we were all fortunate enough to spend everyday after school with him and Ba. Initially our bond was formed over our love for cricket, food and annoying Ba (he used to record countless matches on VHS while I was at school, that we would sit and watch for hours to Ba’s dismay). This started to change when Aashni and Misha started making their annoying little voices heard – they wanted to watch stuff that they enjoyed like Powerpuff Girls etc. so we had to find a happy balance. While Ba would be cooking our (usually my) favourite foods, Bapa would sit and enjoy these new favourite shows with us – Suite Life and every disney show, and then later Fresh Prince and My Wife and Kids. I used to think he just watched these shows because me, my sister and cousin enjoyed them – and our happiness was always his happiness – but we later discovered he used to love watching them even alone, until Ba would force him to switch to Zee TV for their evening of Indian serials.

So many great years and memories, so much love and joy that Bapa and Ba taught us. Their relationship was something so inspirational. Ba an unbelievable and powerful woman, and Bapa, quiet and unassuming – but it just worked. Their bickering over food and TV brought us so many laughs but their true love shone through more powerfully than ever in later years. As Bapa’s health deteriorated in recent years, and he moved to the care home, Ba would get on the bus almost every day, to go visit him and take him food (she couldn’t bare the thought of him eating anyone else’s food and used to hate me getting him pizza all the time). There was a time, late in 2018, when Bapa was in hospital, that Ba went to visit him each day. Nothing new there, but this time, Ba decided that either that she couldn’t be bothered for the journey, or she just missed him too much and decided to fall and injure herself just to stay in a hospital bed near him. Ba has been an absolute rock in all of this, taking over from Bapa in terms of caring for the whole family and him. Together, they raised two semi – great sons, and their strong values and principles have been passed on, although somewhat a bit lost in translation with our over-excitable generation. All the love we have as a family, we owe to them. They taught us the way.

Bapa was a man who never wanted to put a problem on anyone else’s head, but would rather take the whole burden of it, and then shy away when asked who was responsible for the problem being solved. I’ll tell you a little story that I was fortunate enough to hear – after many hours of toil in the UK, he tried to purchase his first house. Such was his trusting nature, he handed the money to the other party, who ran away with pretty much all of his savings. Now you or I would be fuming, probably pick up the phone and tell anyone who would listen. He came home, didn’t bat an eyelid, and kept the hardship to himself. He believed that everything happened for a reason and that first house just wasn’t in his destiny. Picked himself up and just got on with life, and it took years for this story to emerge. He didn’t want any sympathy. He wanted to keep lighting up every place he went with a smile.

Bapa’s love for pizza is a very well known fact, loving the change from Ba’s daily karela and bateta shaak. Never was a room more lit up, or the smile bigger, than when Bapa got his hands on his favourite food (and the occasional beer). The look in his eyes when he saw his favourite foods was a look Ba could only dream of getting haha. The last few years have been full of moments of joy and memories to last a lifetime – we, as a family are forever grateful that we could play a part in making them as fulfilling as possible, especially their 61st anniversary celebration late last year – but still it is a fraction of what he has done for us. If I become a quarter of the man he was, I will have done well.

While the rest of us are out chasing the biggest houses and the best cars, Bapa was most satisfied with a slice of pizza in his hands. This was the man he was – content and happy with the sole purpose of spreading joy, and providing for his family. Never complained, never got angry and just explained with reason that life will take its course, and we may aswell be accepting and make the most of it. As hard as it is for all of us right now, he would not have wanted us to be sad or make a big deal about it, but some of us are only human Bapa.

Bapa may aswell have been called Bapu.

RIP. 89 years was a good innings. For now go enjoy Mahavir’s birthday with him as his guest of honour, and then watch us all grow up and make you proud (hopefully).

Forever in our hearts.